Aligning With Real and Realistic

The most effective way we can intervene at the see level is to validate our expectations in two vital ways:

• With what is real: the timeless, universal “true north” principles that govern in all of life

• With what is realistic: what you can reasonably hope to achieve or become in your own situation

To align expectations in these two ways is to create the foundation out of which life balance capacity naturally grows.

So what is “real”?

Principles are real. They are those timeless, universal truths that govern all of life. They are a sure foundation—one that will not dis- integrate over time or fade with passing philosophies and fads. To understand and align our expectations with principles will generally lead to thought patterns and actions that bring long-term success.

Consider “trust,” for example. Trust is a timeless principle. It operates in our lives and relationships whether we’re aware of it or not, whether we respect it or not. If we personally value trust and we see relationships in terms of building trust, we’re going to do things that are trustworthy. We’re going to treat people with consideration. We’re going to respect confidences. We’re going to keep our word. We’re going to act in ways that reflect our concern for the well-being of others. And generally, the results we get will be high trust relationships that will weather life’s storms.

On the other hand, if we don’t value trust and instead see life and relationships in terms of immediate self-gratification— “What’s in it for me now?”—we’re more likely to do things that may maximize some short-term return but do not build long-term trusting relationships. We may make promises we don’t intend to keep. We may befriend people today and “stab them in the back” tomorrow. We may engage in unethical business practices that create immediate profit. But, long-term, what are the results? Such actions will never build lasting quality relationships or long-term success.

The author:

At one time when I was facilitating a management seminar and brought up the issue of trust, a participant shared a very sad story.

He said that the CEO of his company had recently retired. This man was arrogant and almost brutal when it came to the way he dealt with people. Evidently, he thought that his hard line and tough decision-making approach were of great benefit to the company and that people appreciated it.

The day following his retirement party, he came to the office to pick up some things he’d left. He no longer had any authority; his ID was not recognized in the security system. When he asked the security guard to let him in, the guard wouldn’t do it. After years of being treated rudely, this guard was finally in a position to give back a little of what he’d been dished . . . and he did!

After quite an ordeal, the ex-CEO was finally admitted inside the building. But when he went to his office, nobody spoke to him. Nobody helped him. They just looked at him with disdain. There was obviously no respect for this man. And without his authority, nobody had to treat him well, so they didn’t. The realization of the consequences of his behavior hit him like a ton of bricks. He realized that all the “respect” he thought he’d had was nothing more than a required response to his author ity and his hand on the purse strings. There was no real respect because there was no character there to respect.

The point is, while incorrect paradigms may appear to bring temporary results, truly seeing life in terms of timeless principles—such as trust—is clearly and absolutely foundational to any genuine whole-life success.

So, too, is seeing life in terms of what is realistic.

Suppose, for example, that you’ve become convinced that trust is a principle of effectiveness, and you determine that you want to embrace it as a guiding principle in your life. But for years you’ve been operating out of a different paradigm, and you’ve done things that created rifts in your relationships with other people. Is it reasonable to expect that just because you’ve had a major paradigm shift, suddenly all the problems created by your previous operational paradigm will suddenly disappear?

No, it’s not. But it is reasonable to expect that there are things you can do that will make a big difference over time. You can sincerely apologize. You can make efforts to rectify problems and restore losses created by your actions. You can begin to interact with integrity in every situation.You can begin to build trust and heal broken relationships. Even if those you’re trying to work with choose not to respond in positive ways, you will still be making a powerful positive difference. By valuing trust, you’re building your own character and significantly enhancing your ability to handle future relationships in more effective ways.

This will improve the quality of your life. But it isn’t necessarily a “quick fix.” And if you expect it to be, it’s likely that you’ll be disappointed.

As you begin to think about life in terms of what is realistic, keep in mind that this does not mean you cannot dream. In fact, the opposite is true. As long as your dreams are in harmony with principles, being realistic is what empowers you to fulfill them.

Erik Weihenmayer had a dream—to climb Mount Everest. Many people have had that dream. Less than a hundred ever accomplished it, and Erik was one of those.

But what made Erik’s accomplishment so incredible is that Erik is blind.

In a speech at a recent FranklinCovey Symposium, Erik told how, encouraged by the example of Helen Keller—who “took the world’s perceptions about the disabled and shattered them into a million pieces”—he set his goal to climb the mountain. But he had no illusions about the difficulties he faced. It was with realistic expectations that he dealt with his own limitations. He paid the price to be in excellent physical condition. He spent years becoming a world-class climber and made many ascents before attempting Everest. He worked hard to earn the trust of his climbing team. He discovered ways to compensate for the sight he didn’t have, such as putting tiny bells on the climbers in front of him.

Erik was not only a dreamer; he was a realist. One of the reasons he was able to fulfill such a fantastic dream was because he faced the reality of where he was, and he developed ways—in his unique situation—to reach his goal.